In an Instant
by MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
Summary: She knew she’d give anything for him to be hers and never do anything to lose him... “We can’t do this! I can’t believe we started doing this!” At last, he looked up at her and said, “You know, we couldn’t ever be anything.”
1. Chapter 1

In an Instant

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Summary: **She knew she'd give anything for him to be hers and never do anything to lose him... "We can't do this! I can't believe we started doing this!"

**Author's Note: **I said I was hoping to get a multiple-chapter story up here… This may be it, but who knows?

In an Instant

* * *

She loved him. She truly and deeply loved him. He was her every thought, every day; her every reason for every action. For the last seven months he owned everything about her and she never wanted that to change. In the past, they were sworn enemies. She hated him more than anything and though he loved everything about her, he was never given the light of day.

Everything changed when she turned seventeen and began her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Head Girl to his Head Boy. The countless time spent together drove them to become lovers. They grew passion toward each other, a desire to become each other's worlds: they fell oh so deeply in love.

He has been her rock, her everything in the last seven months. She can't think of a time when she didn't need him and when she could imagine a life without him. For some time now, she has known he is the one. She longs for his last name like she longs for his touch, a longing so strong that even when it's granted for her, it's still not enough, she still wants more of his touch. Her mind, her heart, everything about her, has never questioned that. She, all of her, always knew he'd be the one for her.

From finding this love with him, she also grew as a person; learned not to gain one solid opinion about a person or thing because opinions very often mean nothing. James Potter was not an arrogant-bullying toe-rag who'd never change his ways. In actuality, he did. He changed. He proved her wrong in a way she hardly ever imagined possible. Even after seeing the countless number of majestic events over her time at Hogwarts still didn't open her eyes to the possibilities...

But now she knew, knew deep in her heart that he was the one for her. She knew she'd give anything for him to be hers and never do anything to lose him...

And then there's Sirius Black, James' best friend. On the outside, he was carefree, lovable and cool. But on the inside, there was a torment little knew of. She's not even sure James knew of it, but she knew. He was lonely. And Lily hated that he was lonely...

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night, as they always seem to be. Sirius and Lily, both with nowhere to go, no place to call home aside from the castle: him, with parents who disowned him, her, with no parents at all, decided to stay back for the holidays. Really, neither of them minded, Hogwarts was a wonderful joy at Christmas time, with its festivities and glowing grounds of snow. But James had gone home for the first few days of Christmas, in a family emergency that neither Lily nor Sirius intruded on.

They sat by the Gryffindor common room fire, listening to the sound of thunder outside and just enjoying the silence of each other's company. So odd was it to rain so near Christmas, and not snow. From the corner of her eye, Lily saw Sirius lay his head back on the head of the couch and stretch his body along it, closing his eyes. It had only been two days since Lily and Sirius had talked about what had been troubling him: the loneliness he felt, with no family. He also admitted, rather ashamedly, that he also missed having a girlfriend. Lily felt a little ashamed as well, knowing that the reason his heart ached more was because often times he was the third wheel.

Sirius yawned loudly and looked up to see Lily smiling at him. Automatically, a "What?" came from his mouth and she shook her head.

"Can't I just smile?" she asked, nicely. "It's not against the rules as far as the Head Girl knows."

He shook his head then leaned back on the couch. When she had assumed he was going back to his quiet self, he pelted a pillow straight at her head and it hit her with a THUNK! He immediately broke into laughter, and even through her angry stare, a laugh came from her mouth.

"That's-not-funny," she said forcefully, grabbing the pillow and throwing it back, missing him by a few inches due to laughter.

"Well," he said, finally sitting up properly, "then why are you laughing?"

"Because I'm tired," she lied. In actuality, she was tired. She'd spent all day with Sirius building snowmen, sneaking to Huneydukes and other Hogsmeade places, going to visit Hagrid and even playing a one-on-one game of Quidditch. It was now almost midnight and she was hardly awake.

"That's not a reason," he said knowingly, but threw a look at his watch, "but it is now officially midnight. Happy Christmas, Lil!"

"Happy Christmas," she said back smiling. Only nine or ten more hours until James was back at school to celebrate the end of Christmas with them. "I think it's time for bed, don't you?"

He stifled a yawn and nodded, standing up and walking toward the portrait hole.

"And where are you going?" she said sternly, her Head Girl instincts kicking in.

"I'm walking you back to the Head's tower," he said as though it were obvious. "It's the gentlemen thing to do - but what would you know about the gentlemen things? You are with James," he said jokingly, and she smiled.

"All right, but if any teachers are out there, then I have to walk you back to the common room, and if they asked, we fell asleep playing wizard's chest."

He nodded his agreement and led the way toward the head's tower, which was only a few corridors down, still on the seventh floor. He paused half way down the second corridor and looked to her. "Do you want to go get some hot chocolate or something? It's still not too late. Plus I know the house-elves, they'd be happy on Christmas to do anything for us."

She stared for a second, and shook her head no. She knew that Sirius just wanted to spend time with her and have someone to talk to for a little bit longer on Christmas. And though she said no to hot chocolate, she invited him into the Head's tower with her.

"I don't think you've ever really been inside," she explained. "Plus, it is still early, and I'm sure we could find something to do for fun. It is Christmas."

"All right," he agreed immediately and followed her into the tower, behind the portrait who looked at them curiously.

They went in and sat down for a few minutes, then she brought down her and James' wizarding chest set, and played three games. It was 1 am when her stomach gave a gigantic lurch and he looked to her.

She smiled embarrassedly, "So... about that hot chocolate?"

They made their way down to the kitchens and were bombarded with house-elves asking for orders. It took about four minutes to make the sandwiches, hot chocolate, cake and pudding that Lily and Sirius wanted before they were ready to make their way up all the way to the Head's tower.

One step out the door on the way back...

"MISS EVANS!" They turned to see Professor McGongall staring daggers at them. "I'd expect this from Black but not you, Miss Evans, at nearly one thirty in the morning!"

"We were hungry," she said quietly, unable to find proper explanation in her mind. "I apologize, we should be in bed. We'll go straight away--"

"No time for that," she said rather anxiously. "There's news of attacks in Hogsmeade, I want you two to go straight to the nearest dungeon with me. Come now!"

They hurried back through the door they came, walked past the kitchen and in a minutes time had reached a dungeon, right next to Professor Slughorn's potions class. She hurried them in but stayed outside. "I have to go secure the castle, I'm going to lock you in. I assume you don't have your wands."

Lily shook her head no, but Sirius, surprisingly nodded that he did. "It's a habit I've had since I turned seventeen," he explained.

McGonagall muttered her goodbye and quickly locked them in. They heard her footsteps march away and turned to look at each other, the food forgotten on the farthest table.

"I don't know why she just didn't let us go up to the tower," she said in annoyance. "It's not like there's anyone in the castle."

"Safety precautions," Sirius said lazily taking a seat.

"You don't think there's anyone in the castle, do you?" she asked in concern.

"I doubt it," he said assuring, looking at her. "Not with Dumbledore here. Hell, I'd like to see anyone get past Hagrid."

She smiled a small smile at him. She sat down next to him, yawning, and lazily laid her head on his shoulder, only to find his right arm wrap around her waist. She looked over to find him yawning himself and closing his eyes in peacefulness. Then what happened next happened so quickly, neither of them realized: What had begun as an attempt to kiss her on the cheek, as he spoke a "thank you for tonight" caught her turning to look at him and their lips meeting.

They hung for a second, and Lily realized that Sirius was kissing her back, his grip tightening on her side. It was still seconds later before she pulled away and looked up into his gray eyes. She noticed that her hand, once limp in her lap had rested on his thigh for support during the kiss and her face became beat red. Had they really just kissed?

Of course it wasn't on purpose that the kiss had initiated. Both of them would agree that two different thoughts were going through their heads at the time and neither dealt with kissing the other. And for a moment she didn't realize why it had continued, but before she could fully think about it, she found herself staring at his eyes, then his lips, and leaning forward once more to kiss him again. He gave a twitch as though to pull away but didn't. The kiss deepened and before she knew it, they were not only kissing but in a deep embrace. Her hands, which had wrapped themselves around his neck, slowly creased over every part of his shoulders, feeling the broadness and the collarbones, then making their way down his chest and eventually resting on his lap. His had only just moved to her back, slightly under her shirt, touching her bear skin. Even the coldness of his hands didn't awake her to the fact that her hands were moving again, up to his belt, unhooking it, grabbing it from the loops and throwing it behind her. They then went to the button and unlatched it quickly and then to the zipper which she pulled down with haste. She had gained record time, having had a lot of practice with James. When she and Sirius moved in one motion to slide his pants down past his boxers, she stopped. James.

His hands had crept to the front of her stomach, pressing on her hipbones. She pulled away and his hands flew off of her.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." she said in a panic. "I can't do this... We... We can't do this. Oh my God, I can't believe we started doing this, Sirius!"

But he wasn't listening: he jumped off the desk and pulled his pants back up, grasping for his belt and quickly placing it back on. He didn't look at her after he was dressed, only walked toward the door and once he got to it, leaned against it and stared at his feet. Even though none of her clothing had been removed, Lily felt as though she needed to tuck her shirt in and fix her skirt. She wished she had a jacket to cover herself in.

"Sirius..." she said, quietly approaching him.

"Dammit, Lily!" he said, slamming his fist to the door in front of him. "Do you realize how mad James is going to be?"

She frowned, tears appearing in her eyes. She nodded to his back. Then spoke, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know, but I hate lying," he said firmly.

"I don't want to lose him, Sirius," she said helplessly.

"Neither of us want that," he said, still not turning to look at her and speaking softly to the ground, now. "And I don't want him to hex me into next century."

"What are we going to do?"

When James came back to Hogwarts a few hours afterward, he found Sirius still asleep in bed and Lily locked up in her room in the Head's tower. It broke Lily apart not to tell James what happened. But her and Sirius decided that he didn't need to know because it meant nothing. It was just a huge mistake. They both loved James too much to have him find out and vowed not to tell him. Unless they needed to...


	2. Chapter 2

In an Instant

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

* * *

It had been two weeks since James had returned from his Christmas at home. Classes were in full swing again, Quidditch practice became more tiresome than ever and Lily and Sirius still held their secret. It was on this particular Saturday, that Lily and the Marauders sat in the Gryffindor common room. Lily, pouring over homework, while Remus and Sirius engaged in a war via chessmen, Peter watching, eyes bulging with anticipation. James had run to the Head's tower to change into his Quidditch robes: they had a practice in about twenty minutes times. 

When he entered the common room once more, a broom over his shoulder - in a way that always drove Lily mad with lust - he found them all the same way as when he left. Lily, if possible, was staring even more intently on the potions essay in front of her, grabbing her hair with her hands. The only movement from the chess game was Remus' loud groan of defeat as Sirius, triumphant, knocked over the table as he stood in glee, howling in victory. Lily smiled at her potions essay.

"Hey Lil," James began, attempting to steal her concentration. "Did you want to come and watch me practice today, or...?"

Since the beginning of their relationship, Lily had taken to coming to James' practices and sitting in the stands - no matter how rainy, cold or terrible the weather became, she would sit and watch until he came back to the castle with her.

She looked down at her not-even halfway done potions essay and shook her head. "Sorry, James," she said looking up at him anxiously, "but I have to do this for Monday and I'll never have time tomorrow if I don't get it almost done today." He looked slightly disappointed. "I'll make it up to you though," she said, standing to kiss him on the cheek and hug him briefly around the shoulders.

"It's okay," he said, holding the bitterness in his voice, "it's nasty outside anyway. Looks like it's gonna sleet before long."

Lily looked back up from her potions essay and while her eyes meant to travel up to James, they crossed over to Sirius' face and lingered for a moment.

"Have a good practice," she said, finally tearing her eyes away from Sirius' face. "I'll be waiting for you to get back."

He smiled, leaning down to kiss her cheek, and turned to walk out the portrait hole. Sirius and Remus had begun setting up the piece, which had morphed themselves back together on the board, when Lily had a sudden thought.

"Sirius, do you have your potions book upstairs?" Lily inquired. "I want to look something up but I've left mine in the Head's tower."

"Yeah, I--wait a moment," he said, thinking hard, "I don't. I left it there too, on the way back upstairs after dinner last night."

"I have mind just upstairs," Remus offered.

And before Lily knew what she was saying, she spoke, "Oh, that's okay, I'll run back there, I've left some notes in mine, come to think of it. Sirius, shall I grab yours too?"

As though he had read her mind, Sirius quickly said, "Don't bother trying to carry all my things," he said, waving her offer aside and standing up. "Wormtail can play for me and I'll run over there with you real quick."

And without a backwards glance, Lily led Sirius out of the portrait hole. They walked in silence at first, and then Lily cleared her throat provocatively.

"Yes?" he questioned as he walked next to her.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Just thinking."

"About what?" he asked, knowing the answer. Upon viewing her 'you know' face, he nodded. "I know."

"It sucks," she began, preparing herself to rant as she reached the portrait hole to the Head's tower. And after muttering the password hurriedly ("Loyalty") she continued on. "I feel like I'm hiding something from him--"

"Well you are," Sirius said, following her into the commons and toward the couch that held their schoolbooks. She gave him a fleeting look. "You know I don't like it anymore than you do, Lily, but we can't say anything."

"We could just tell him it was an accident Sirius," she offered.

His voice dropped to a whisper even though they were alone, "An accident?" He looked away then looked back shaking his head, his gray eyes fogging with coldness. "You don't kiss someone by accident twice," he hissed even quieter. "And you don't start undressing them by accident," he added hastily.

"I wasn't the only one who was kissing," she hissed back, though loudly and embarrassedly.

"I know," he said, his voice normal and soft. "And you aren't the only one who he'll be upset with."

He turned to walk back toward the portrait hole and she grabbed his arm to stop him, feeling an unwelcome jolt in her stomach. "Sirius," she begged.

He turned back to her, towering over her, stepping much to close than her heart could withstand at that moment.

"Do you know what he'll say if he finds out?" she asked, horror in her voice.

"Nobody knows but us," he said quietly, in an assuring voice. "I know, Lily. Believe me, I'm on your side with this. It's the worst situation I've ever been. It sucks and I hate it, but I love having James as a best friend more than I hate keeping this from him."

"I know, I know you're right," she said rationally. Tears crept slowly. "But I don't want to lose him."

He rang his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer for a hug as though he wanted to say he knew what she was going through and understood: he was there for her. When he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek, she quickly turned, and not even thinking for one split second and pulled his face to hers, his lips to hers.

"Lily," he said, breaking away immediately. "Wha--What..." he panted and stuttered out what his brain couldn't comprehend. "Li-Lily what are you doing?"

"I don't know," she said, looking into his eyes, still holding onto him, "I don't understand myself Sirius."

He turned his face away and tried to break away from her embrace but she just kept him closer to her. When he looked back down at her, their eyes locking passionately, in unison they leaned closer to each other and their lips met with an explosion. Her hands cradled his face and she kissed him harder, pressing his tongue with hers, willing it to come to life and meet hers.

Before they knew it, she was on the couch, over top of the books, him on top of her, holding her to him passionately. They broke apart only when they heard a boom of thunder that shook the table that lay two feet from them. As though he sensed it, Sirius jumped off of her, pulling her up with him, straightening himself out and grabbing for his books.

Just as he thrusted Lily's book into her hand the portrait swung open and a soaked James stepped in, looking at Sirius and Lily with no distinct interest, brushing the water off of his face.

Lily hurried forward to him, muttering a spell under her breath that shot hot air out of her wand, blow-drying James' hair as he sat his broomstick on the table.

"It's rough out there."

"We were just talking about it," Sirius lied. "Neither of us could think of what ingredients went into the Lung Dissolving Poison Potion, and came back to get the book that I left in here to try to find it." He thumbed through the book, even though James hadn't requested a reason for why they were alone in the Head's tower. "See," he said thoughtfully, "boomslang isn't in it! Told you so, Lily!"

Lily frowned forcibly, "You're lying! I was so sure it was..."

James walked past them up to his bedroom and called on his way, "Be right back, just gonna change out of these bloody robes...need something warm and dry."

Lily gave Sirius a look as James' door kicked shut. "Real smooth."

"Real smooth!" he said indignantly, swinging the books in his hands as he spoke, "you are only digging the grave deeper by what just--"

"Shh!" she hissed. "I don't know what happened but I do know both of us--"

"Are going to be dead if he finds out," he cut off, pointing his thumb behind his back to the stairwell. "We have no time to talk now," he said, calming down, "but I'm going to leave. Tell him I'll see him tomorrow."

She nodded, not watching him leave and stared at the ground in agony. She knew that she loved James more than anything but... Sirius. She just didn't get it. She couldn't understand why they had kissed again -- why she initiated a kiss with her boyfriend's best friend. She knew she'd always love James but something inside of her still felt this burning passion toward Sirius and she couldn't understand why. All she knew is that Sirius was not worth losing James, even if every time she thought about him, she had a desire to be in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

In an Instant

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

Also, I did get some assistance from mugglenet dot com when it came to specifics in ingredients for this chapter!

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay and thanks for all the support and reviews! If I get a good response I may be able to get another chapter up tomorrow. I am enjoying this story immensely – as the naughty fantasy we'd all like to have!

* * *

For the next few days, whenever near each other, Lily and Sirius walked on eggshells. They avoided eye contact at nearly every encounter. Nobody seemed to pay much attention to this odd behavior between them, as nearly everyone was falling under the stress of N.E.W.T. exams and Lily had the additional Head Girl duties to attend to. James, who was rigorously training his Quidditch team for the last game which would decide the Cup winner, tried to assist Lily the best he could, but when he couldn't become one-hundred percent involved, she took the reigns as her own and tried her hardest. 

It wasn't until nearly five days after their second snog that Lily and Sirius were forced to make an encounter they couldn't avoid. In Potions class, Professor Slughorn, heavily set and walrus-like, had separated the usual group activities and partnered the more adept students with the less adept. In consideration that it was N.E.W.T. class, no one student was terribly far behind, but some, like Lily, who performed most potions as if they were second nature, could offer extra one-on-one assistance.

"Now as you know, Veritaserum is colorless and clear, so at this point your potions should be turning lighter from the, what should be, already light gray."

Lily and Sirius both looked down at their cauldrons - her was already almost entirely clear, the only person's that was better was Severus Snape, whose was completely colorless. Sirius' was a darker gray than most, and together they tore through their books to find the possible reason.

"Severus," Lily called to the table next to her, and Snape turned in surprise; without hesitation Sirius scowled. "The reason for the color to not become clear could possibly be--"

"The Jobberknoll feathers," Snape interrupted. "How many were added?"

"Two," Sirius answered, his voice dangerously low.

"Well then," Snape said, trying not to sneer in front of Lily. "It seems as though you misread it, Black, as there ought to be three, and not two."

"Can an addition be made this late in the potion?" Lily asked quietly, ignoring the look between the two.

"Yes," Snape said, turning his attention back to Lily. "Luckily, if you throw it in now. But make sure to churn it counterclockwise two times, instead of clockwise three."

"What?" Sirius said, skimming the page halfheartedly. "Nothing in this book talks about counterclockwise stirring, Sni--"

Snape raised an eyebrow at him. "Or do it your way, then, Black. There's no way that surely I could know what I'm doing! Of course, you must be so much cleverer than me, seeing as mine's been done for nearly twenty minutes now and yours is browning--"

But Lily was already doing as Snape said and Sirius' potion immediately turned the right shade of gray and lightened more by the second. It was a mere two minutes before his potion was at its standard color.

"Thanks, Sev!" she said brightly, giving him a small smile.

"You're always welcome, Lily."

She turned her attention back on Sirius, trying to force the past between her and Severus out of her mind. When she saw Sirius' eyes, straight into them for the first time in days, she couldn't seem to hide a blush that was creeping onto her face. He looked back down at his potion, and luckily a moment later they were interrupted by Slughorn's critique

* * *

"Unfortunately, I haven't had time to revamp the night-patrol schedules, so we're going to keep them the same for just the next two weeks and hopefully by then I'll have it redone for you all," Lily was saying to the group of prefects gathered around her. James was unable to make this one and was excused from it under the promise that he would make the new patrol schedule and host the next meeting so that Lily, if she chose to, didn't have to come (or "Lift a single finger!" as James put it.)

"Are there any concerns or questions?" Lily asked conclusively. "If there are any problems, please don't hesitate--"

She could see from the crowd staring indifferently at her that there would be no objections. She called the meeting to a close and without backwards glances, all the Prefects shuffled out of the empty classroom and into the corridor outside.

Lily exhaled and closed her eyes for a minute. When she opened them, she turned back toward the desk and gathered the parchment she had used as notes and roll call. She turned back around quickly and let out an audible gasp.

"Sirius! You scared me half to death."

When he didn't say anything she continued, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm not quite sure," Sirius said, closing the door behind him. "Just wanted to get the chance to talk."

"We've been avoiding this moment for days now," she said evenly, not looking up from the parchment she was stowing in her bag.

"I know." After a moment, "I just wanted to talk."

"Look Sirius," she said, finally setting down her bag and turning herself toward him. She looked at him with a look of slight longing. "You're a wonderful guy. And... and it's really hard for me right now. Not only do I have a lot going on, but my feelings are going haywire at the moment."

Sirius nodded, and when she didn't go in he said, "I know the feeling. It makes me sick that I--that... that the moments I've been happiest the last few weeks have been due to this hidden--well, due to these past events."

She smiled despite herself. "I know it's not a good thing to say at all. But... I really think you are wonderful, Sirius."

There was a long pause of silence, where Sirius stared at the ground. At last, he looked up at her and said, "You know, we couldn't ever be anything."

It was as though he was speaking more to himself then to her - after all, she never mentioned any desire to become a couple or to even continue in an affair-like nature.

"Even if you and James were to break up..." He paused thoughtfully. "He's my brother, you know? I couldn't ever be with you after this."

She looked up at him, knowing what she wanted to scream to him at that moment - maybe something that would make him understand what she was feeling.

"It would have to be secret," he said, as an afterthought. "Nobody could ever know."

"I LIKE YOU, SIRIUS!" she said, throwing all senses of disapproval away. It was as if only he and her were left in the world and in that moment nothing else mattered. Not even James. "I do like you, terribly, terribly much--"

But before she could continue on, with whatever was coming next: perhaps a continuation of her feelings or maybe a dismissal of them as irrelevant, he kissed her. He rushed forward and placed his hand on the right part of her face and pulled their lips together. Without warning, she was only caught in the moment, pressing her lips back to kiss.

All that would happen next: him carrying her to the table, throwing her bag out of the way, and gingerly laying her down as he crept upon her, seemed inevitable.


	4. Chapter 4

In an Instant

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the responses guys! Hope you like this - please give feedback and let me know what you think. I'm really looking to improve my writing style.

* * *

She was very aware of the naked chest moving steadily underneath her. Without opening her eyes, she let her lips trace kisses down and across it. After a minutes, with her eyes open a sliver, she let her lips find her way to the owners. He smiled against her lips, and she felt his hand move from underneath her toward the bedside table, blindly searching for glasses. 

"I love you, James," she said, opening her eyes fully and kissing him squarely on the mouth. He kissed back, and she pressed herself closer to him: this was a feeling she always craved.

"I love you, too," he said as they broke apart. Stifling a yawn he threw the covers off of them, and disentangling himself from her, he stood up. She laid back on the pillows and looked up at him fondly.

Sitting up again she teased, "I'm glad I didn't scare you by sneaking into your bed last night."

"It's always nice to wake up with you in my arms," he said, ignoring her pointed comment. "But I honestly didn't hear you come in. I did wake up in the middle of the night to see you laying next to me, though."

"Oh," she said, giving a small laugh. "Where are you going?"

James, who was heading toward the door out of his room paused. "I'm going to go get changed and let you get some more rest."

"Why don't you come back here and just lay with me?"

"I've got Quidditch at one and I don't want to bother you with an alarm, so I may as well stay up--"

She got out of bed and came over to him. When she was standing directly in front of him her head came up to his mid chest. She kissed it.

"Stay with me," she said wrapping her arms around him. "Then we'll wake up at noon and I'll come down and watch your practice."

Without objection, a lopsided smile clearly plastered to his face, he allowed her to lead him back to the bed and under the covers.

In the Gryffindor tower, Sirius lay on his bed, uncovered by his sheets staring up at the ceiling. His mind was running in circles, still completely entranced by the events of the previous evening. He wondered if Lily was thinking about him, like he was thinking about her. Thinking about the marvelous evening and the amazing events that occurred between them. Had she felt the connection as strong as he did?

One thing he knew for sure was how grateful he was that their three hour absence went unnoticed. Lily was able to play it off as falling asleep after the Prefects meeting, and Sirius, who was walking along the corridor peered in and found her. His excuse, alternatively, was much harder to come up with. He was taking a walk around the castle, having stopped by the kitchen for a snack. It was all bull. But none of them could know what had really been happening at the time. Even if it was something that made his blood boil with excitement while at the same time making him extremely grateful that none of his friends had mastered Legilimency. Not yet anyway.

"Padfoot!" Remus called, interrupting Sirius' thoughts. He didn't answer and a moment later, "Padfoot!" rung out again. For the next two minutes Sirius sat there and then Remus appeared at his bedside. "Padfoot, why didn't you answer before?"

"Sorry," he said, not looking away from the ceiling, "lost in thoughts, you know."

"Yeah," Remus said, still staring down at him. "You seem down lately."

Sirius didn't say anything but brought his eyes to look at Remus, to assure him that he had been heard.

"You came in late again," he persisted.

"Yeah, and that's a crime? The prefect in you finally coming out, Rem--?"

"Look," Remus cut across. "I'm not accusing you of anything. Just saying that you used to come in late all the time last year when you were angry or upset. And I thought if you were, you could talk to Peter, James or I instead of retreating to the Astronomy tower."

"I'm fine," Sirius said, rolling out of bed and onto the floor. "And I didn't go to the Astronomy tower--" he stopped himself.

"Oh?" Remus asked curiously. "Where--?"

"Don't worry about it--"

"But--"

"Drop it, Remus!" His mouth fell closed. "Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine," he added, to stop himself from seeming heartless.

Remus didn't speak directly to him the rest of the morning. And when Sirius, Remus and Peter caught up with Lily and James in the common room, Sirius was extremely disappointed to see Lily was not paying him any attention. He knew she wouldn't be all over him, speaking solely of the previous night, but it was as if he didn't exist to her. Only James did. It made his heart sink.

Lily had successfully driven Sirius from her mind all day. She spent her time with James, fully loving and playing attention to him. She enjoyed every minute of Quidditch she watched. It felt as if the previous night never happened. But then she saw Sirius again and the reality of the situation flushed over her, filling all her senses, making her unable to think of much else.

How was it, she wondered, that in an instant all had changed? That her and Sirius had seriously, knowingly, unchangeably crossed the friendship line? Had, in full intention, succeeded in betraying James together? And quite possibly enjoyed it more than they could ever voice. She knew that there was no turning back time. She couldn't go back and change the interaction between her and Sirius. It happened. It was over. Her undying devotion toward James, her innocence and purity, had gone. All gone. In an instant.

The guilt ate away at her as she stared into James' eyes, knowing that Sirius was behind her, his eyes pouring onto her body. She knew she couldn't keep anything going with Sirius. At least, her heart knew she shouldn't. But then she saw his broad shoulders and wide, bright smile and it seemed so irresistible. And now, now that she had felt every part of him, had seen him at his most intimate point, now he became even more irresistible. She knew she had to find it within herself - within her love for James - to stop the affair with Sirius.

"Lily?"

Her thoughts were cut across by James.

"Yes?" she said, coming to look at him.

"You all right? You were zoning off--"

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. Fine. Just worried about the school work we have to do. And the prefect's meeting--"

"Yeah, I have to get started on that."

"No rush," Lily said evenly. "Just thinking about it, is all."

She finally turned to look at Sirius and their eyes immediately locked. Lily looked down at the floor before looking at James again.

"I'm going to go back to the Head's tower for a bit," she told him quietly. "I'm going to change and grab some homework to work on. Would you like me to grab anything?"

"Prongs," Peter interrupted. "Up for some Chess?"

"Sure, Wormtail!" James said, turning toward Lily. "I don't need anything, if you don't want to bring it."

Lily nodded, stole a kiss from his lips and walked toward the portrait hole. She took a deep breath as the portrait closed behind her, and in a moments time, it opened again and Sirius came stridding out. Their eyes locked and for a long moment neither said anything. They just walked toward the next corridor and into an empty classroom.

"I've been thinking about last night, a lot, Lily, and--"

"Me too, Sirius," she said, turning away from him, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at the board behind her. "And that's why I think we both know what's going to happen next."

Sirius opened his mouth behind her back and closed it, no sound immerging.

She took a deep breath and turned to look at him. "We can't do anything like that again. Ever."

Sirius stared back at her, and immediately his jaw clenched: something Lily knew to mean he was holding his tongue and very upset. "Lily."

"Yes?" she said, knowing her voice would carry the helplessness that he felt. When he remained silent she spoke, "You know I'm right. You know we can't be together. You know we can only be friends when I have James. Last night was a mis--"

"No," Sirius cut across. "Don't say that, Lily. Do you truly believe it?"

"I--" she stopped herself and glared at the floor. Her eyes softened. "I don't know, Sirius. I know it's wrong, I know that. I am taken. Deeply in love with James, and we both know this."

"You wanted it just as much as I did," he said defensively, as though she slapped the fault entirely on him and his broad, attractive shoulders.

"We can't do it again," she said, regaining her strength. "We just can't and we both know it."

He took a step forward and kissed her lips. "It's so hard to supress these feelings."

She pulled away from him and looked at the wall. When she looked back, tears in her eyes, she mustered the strength in her voice to say, "Well, you must. I'm not yours."

In one motion, Lily took a step toward the door, grabbed the handle and pushed herself into the corridor. Before she could shut the door, Sirius distinctively heard a male voice.

"Lily! What's wrong?"


	5. Chapter 5

In an Instant

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

**Author's Note:** Due to my amazing first week of senior year I present to you this chapter! I actually had a great week and enjoy school immensely – though I can only update when I borrow a computer from my yearbook class with compatible servers. I didn't intend to get this up so quickly after school starts but, here it is.

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"Oh, Sev!" Lily's off-guard voice came. "Nothing, it's nothing..." 

"You've been crying, Lily." Sirius could hear the concern in Snape's voice and was sickened.

"I know, but it's really nothing--"

"Are--"

Sirius, who had strode forward, grasped the door handle and threw himself into the corridor, sneered, "She's fine, Sni--"

But Snape wasn't listening to the flying insults. He merely stared, analyzing Sirius and Lily. It didn't take a genius to deduct the connection: Lily, in tears, rushing from a classroom wherein stood Sirius Black. What he had done or said to Lily was unknown, though it didn't appear to be physical - unless he used a strong untraceable curse. But Black wouldn't do that. Maybe to him, Snape, but not to Lily. But there was no doubt that Black was involved in Lily's current state.

Sirius watched Snape glaring at them with steady eyes, in almost a persistently beady way, like a spy. Sirius felt like cursing his greasy nose off. Lily, Sirius noticed with anxiety, was making no efforts to dry her face off and silent tears were still falling. He could feel his heart pounding on his ribcage.

"What's it you've done to her, Black--"

Sirius' eyes immediately narrowed into a glare, "I haven't done anything to her, I was comfort--"

"A damn good job of that you did!"

"Boys!" Lily interjected between the two, who were sending deadly glares toward each other. "Sirius!" She said sharply, but his eyes didn't leave Snape's face. "Severus, honestly--"

"What's going on here?" came James Potter's voice, and a moment later he stepped down the corridor and into sight. "What's with the fighting and--"

Lily, who had been able to successful wipe her face and control her tears, (though unable to relieve her face of its puffiness) avoided his eyes and persisted with Severus, "Just go, Severus. GO."

Snape felt no other option was there: Lily was forcing him to walk away from whatever he just witnessed. He paused looking at Black and Potter, one staring at the other in amazement and one still glaring his way. He wasn't sure whom he despised more. It almost felt like doing Potter a favor by letting him know what had happened, or at least how he'd seen it. Then again, he was doing Black a favor by staying quiet. He glared back at Black and then became suddenly aware of Lily's small hand on his upper arm, pulling him away from the two friends.

James watched their retreating backs. They stopped in the distance at the end of the corridor with James' eyes glued to them. Whatever they were saying was quite unrecognizable and this made James a bit uneasy.

"Do you think I'm going to lose her?" he asked quietly, to Sirius.

Up until this moment Sirius had not been playing close attention to James; actually he was dragging his attention away from James and focusing on whatever else could allow him to avoid eye contact. Upon hearing this question, however, Sirius' mind was kicked into overdrive and he was brought back to his best friend standing next to him.

Sirius wanted to say yes. He wanted to turn to James, grab him by the shoulders and say, "Yes, James, yes! You're going to lose her to _me_." But he couldn't. Despite being put into Gryffindor for courage and bravery he had none in this matter. Lily was James' love. He wanted to believe that Lily would one day be his and they could be happy together but he knew that wasn't going to happen. All points of reality, all measures of it aligned to show one conclusion: James with Lily. They showed James and Lily Potter. And a minor fix of lust behind James' back wasn't going to change it.

Somehow his mind had given him an idea - a borderline obsessive idea - that Lily and him would be together. But the blinders were gone now; he could now see the entire framework of the situation, no longer ignoring the details that proved otherwise. There was a definite reason for the events of the previous night. The touching meant something. He knew this. But it didn't mean forever and it certainly didn't mean now. Somehow part of him knew this. And until this moment he was blinded by the thought of consummating love but that's just it: there was no sex and there was no love with Lily.

All of her real devotion, heart and body belonged to James. He knew that was why when he heard her mutter the refusal to share another intimate event with him, he knew her eyes were saying: I am so glad we didn't shag, Sirius, I am so glad I didn't give you everything when I don't have anything to truly give. Everything I have belongs to James.

"No," Sirius said finally. "She's going to marry you some day."

In his time of contemplation, Lily had said her goodbyes to Severus and made her way back to James. She just walked into his arms and held tightly, burying her face into his robes and just kissing it.

"I truly love you," she whispered, and Sirius wondered if this was to avoid his ears.

James gave Sirius a broad smile over top her head and Sirius let his face smile back. Lily looked back up and in between the smiles the two shared. James linked hands with her, preparing to lead her back to the common room. She looked back toward Sirius, who she viewed in a way much different than any way before. He seemed to be slouched over, his feet pointing inward and his back hunched over. She turned to look at James, who was staring ahead, and then back again but the image of Sirius was gone. He was no longer depressed and awkward looking, but strong and handsome with his shoulders back and casual stance. Maybe the moment had played a trick on her.

"You coming, Padfoot?" James called back, having stopped.

Sirius, giving another smile, nodded and walked forward to fall into step with the couple.

As Lily stood in-between the two best friends, the two who had become her own stability in the last year, she, despite the previous month, felt at peace. It was as though she knew that finally her and Sirius had reached an agreement that the past would be left there, and when January faded into February, their events never happened.

A though, looking at Sirius in the moment assured her that they would share no more than friendship, those instances did occur. Whether she ignored them, pretended they didn't happen or accepted them for a mistake of hormones, they would always be looming somewhere in her deep conscious. But looking at James confirmed her belief that nothing could change her desire to spend her life, long or short, with him. Not all the trials of the world or the trials that test time itself; and certainly not the shameful events of the past she'd do almost anything to erase.

Life changes in an instant. Love does not.

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**End.**

Thanks if you've been with me from beginning to end. If you've read any of the chapters, please let me know what you thought about this short glimpse of Lily, James and Sirius' seventh year. I appreciate all feedback within the context of the story and you never know if there will be more Lily/Sirius one-shots to come! If I completely suck at it, let me know and I'll find a different hobby. And dare I say I'm open for a request pair or challenge story (Blood was a challenged story). Happy reading!


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